The leaves are starting to fall. The days are getting shorter. The temperatures are dropping to levels most sane people would call ideal. It’s football season, a regional holiday for a majority of Oklahomans and Texans.
Soon people all around the country will be going to games, cheering on their teams, and experiencing the euphoria of victory and the disillusionment of defeat. Football games have been known to induce irrational behavior. In accordance with this I am going to attempt to think of any and every possible thing that could go wrong during football season and will give you my best ballpark guess as to whether you (we), the average person, are covered if such an event were to take place.
For any real answers I suggest you contact an insurance agent, which you can find right here on BriteBee.
The Potential Hazards of Football Season
1. Destruction of your Giant TV:
This could happen any number of ways. Maybe your team makes a huge game winning play and in your jubilation the tv becomes unhinged from it’s wall mounting and crashes to the floor
The Verdict: You might be covered, but not super likely. Hope you have a warranty.
Perhaps your team continues to make simple mistakes. You have tried everything, encouragements, disparagements, even refreshments and none of it is working! In your despair, you punch/kick/throw a remote or shoe and/or head-butt your beautiful tv that you bought just this season, rendering it utterly useless for the possible comeback your team is about to make.
Bonus Verdict: IF YOU DO THIS NOT ONLY WILL YOU NOT BE COVERED BY ANY HOMEOWNERS OR RENTAL INSURANCE OR ANYTHING YOU MAY ALSO NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION AND PSYCHIATRIC HELP.) [Additional Note: DON’T DESTROY YOUR TV BY ANY METHOD.]
2. A Football-Related Fender Bender:
I assume that as long as you are in a normal state of mind, all standard car insurance things apply here. If your state of mind is altered, I recommend an Uber, or just attempting to sleep at the stadium to play it safe.
The Verdict: You should be covered if you do the right thing.
2B. A Tailgating Catastrophe:
A quick list of the things that can go wrong while tailgating: Your vehicle could explode, you could get mustard on your new upholstery, you could set your new upholstery on fire, you could spill soda in the inner workings of your vehicle, you could throw any number of things through your windshield, you might run down your battery in your car, you could blow out your speakers, you might get rained on, you might leave your windows down and not roll them up before it starts raining, you could leave potato salad in your vehicle all day causing a horrid stench. That’s not even all of the things that could go wrong but I felt like now was a good place to stop and let you go and take care of actual insurance business.
The Verdict: Go get your affairs in order immediately!
3. Your Entire Small Town goes to a Playoff Game and while you are out your House is Burglarized:
This one may seem like a bit of a stretch but hey, it’s best to over prepare. In the event that you and all who live near you have traveled to a distant town for a playoff football game and a clever criminal waltzes through town to help themselves to your possessions, you are probably going to be ok. It seems like most people probably have some sort of coverage for that situation. [Bonus Editor’s Tip: Don’t share with social media that you’ll be gone for the day, but afterwards feel free to share. Your friends might not be the only ones watching.]
The Verdict: You are most likely covered. Maybe. I think. Is this what homeowners insurance is for?
4. A Championship-Induced Medical Emergency:
I’ll admit it’s a bit morbid to consider this possibility, but the long list of professional athletes that have been injured whilst prancing joyously around the living room in celebration of a successful field goal makes me feel obliged to acknowledge the possibility. As an Oklahoma State fan, I am tremendously concerned for my health, my granny’s health, and the health of all of my fellow fans if we ever manage to win a National Championship. A few quick tips to avoid being injured while celebrating: 1. Restrict yourself to celebrations that have a limited range of motions. 2. Fist pumps are very safe, just don’t fist pump any of your friends that are shorter than you. 3. Try to become less emotionally invested in football. [I know this is difficult. I have been trying for years.]
The Verdict: You are probably covered by your health insurance if any calamity were to befall you in celebration of a championship.
5. A Medical Emergency caused by a Backyard Flag-Football Game:
Backyard football is not recommended for anybody beyond the age of about 12 according the Bureau of Backyard Football, a *totally not made up organization that studies and governs Backyard Football. Also on a personal note, the fun-to-risk ratio involved in playing backyard football as an adult is nowhere near justifying the amount of people that still play backyard football.
The Verdict: Again, you are likely covered but honestly it’s time to just give up backyard football
*I totally made this organization up.
6. Loss of Voice:
This is a common affliction during football season. I once had a coach that lost his voice by the third day of practice and just continued yelling with no voice for the rest of the year. (Shout-out to Coach Greg Wallis, aka Young Wallis, if you are reading this) I haven’t lost my voice as a fan in several years but many who attend games do.
The Verdict: Yeah, you aren’t going to be covered for this and don’t need to be covered. Unless you are a singer or voiceover actor, in which case you should use BriteBee to find an insurance agent that can write a policy to insure your voice. Or perhaps update your policy insuring your voice, since you are in the voice business after all. [Editor’s Note: You need to be Beyonce to insure your voice.]
7. Increase in Gray Hairs/Loss of Hair:
This is a real risk, but also not something that is particularly avoidable for some of us. [Looks at self in the mirror. Looks at a picture of High-School Self. Cries a single tear.]
The Verdict: Basically the same as the last one including the additional caveat of you being a shampoo model or something and actually having a hair insurance policy. You don’t need it, unless you do need it, in which case you already have it.
8. Coming in Last Place in your Fantasy Football League:
Sorry buds, this is not something for which you can be insured. You are simply going to be out the five dollar league fee and shamed for an entire year as a result of your cleverly named team’s poor performance.
The Verdict: Not something you can have covered. Honestly, it’s not even an actual problem. Stop taking fantasy football so seriously.
The Post-Game Show
What a day we’ve had today. There sure are a lot of things that could go wrong during football season, and I didn’t even talk about guests not using a coaster or spilling nachos on your recliner. I hope we all learned something today even if it was just something about ourselves. Enjoy football season with fear and trembling in your hearts, and if you have any real insurance questions you can use BriteBee to get some quotes and find the right insurance agent for all of your needs.
ABOUT TATE KELLEY
“I’m Tate Kelley. I live and teach here in Oklahoma. My wife, Emily and I have a son that is almost 3 years old. I love reading and writing.”